Don't attempt to get too close to me without my permission. I bite.

Post Mortum

2014 draws to a close, marking almost a decade since I started to blog.

It's funny how small, seemingly inconsequential things seem to bug you only at certain periods of your life.

Like for example, how ever since the doctor mentioned I have a borderline-low blood pressure, suddenly my life's entire paradigm seemed to change.

Well, a year doesn't really come to a close without yourself reflecting on what you have achieved or lost over the months..

Let's see...

[+ve]

1) I think my physical body has transformed quite a bit, incurring an onslaught of comments, both positive and negative from people around me. I like how it's progressing, but I think I need to start changing my routine. Given my size, I am actually still quite weak. Oh, and yah, I'm definitely not about to stop growing - the end is nowhere in sight.

[+ve]

2) I believe I've reached a point in my life where striving for contentment seem more important than running the rat race. Machiam sounds like I'm damn old, but I see people around me struggling to climb up the corporate ladder, surrounding themselves with titles and wealth, while pretending to be happy. Sort of makes you question the purpose of life. I believe strongly that happiness is closely tied to what you believe is success, and claiming it for your own contentment and the glory of God.

[-ve]

3) I've not felt much spiritual growth this year, perhaps cooling down from the years in Brisbane - but that's not how the Spirit works, does it? I really need to spend some quiet moments with God in the upcoming year. I've not heard His voice for sometime now. Feels empty. Nonetheless, I've been coming up with various ways to justify myself... from serving fervidly in the ministry to running all sorts of food-based fund-raisers. Nope. Still feels empty. If anything I feel on the verge of a major burnout.

[-ve]

4) Family. Even though I may not say it, I've really been neglecting my parents. It's something I'm really really so ashamed about. Nowadays, I spend like at most one day a week having a meal with my parents, and maybe, just maybe once a month with with my parents and Victor. It's hideously incorrigible. 

I feel like a really bad son. Perhaps my only redemption is that I don't hold back on buying or giving them whatever they need. But still nothing can replace time and human relationship.  

Sometimes, I look at my dad, and I really don't know who he is anymore. Over the past two years, he has deteriorated so much, I can actually see the physical and mental deterioration.

He stays up late in the night until 4 or 5 am, packing and repacking loose items in the house, if not, he will boil all sorts of chinese desserts and pack them in a hundred different containers. Elsewise, he will succumb to his horrific computer game addiction and play online mahjong for hours upon hours (I'm talking like 7-8 hours)

It's nightmarish. Both my mum and I know that such a drawn out, extensive period of such a lifestyle can't bode well for anybody, but he just would not listen to anybody's advise.

Especially in this aspect, I'm at a loss of what to do. 

I don't know how to cope with parental aging, I don't know what to expect, and I don't know how long I can watch my dad destroy his own life on a daily basis.

****

(afk)

Anyway, perhaps on a cheerier topic (almost anything is more cheerier than that horrid fourth point), perhaps I can recount the top ten most expensive stuff obtained this year:

1) Trip to Melbourne (approx $4000)

2) ASUS Republic of Gamers laptop (approx $2400)

3) Skin Care Package (approx $880)

4) Trip to Taiwan (approx $800)

5) Samsung Galaxy Note 4 (approx $640)

6) Cole Han leather shoes (approx $400)

7) 2x Garmin Vivofit - for my mum and dad (approx $350)

8) ASICS Kinsei sports shoes (approx $300)

9) SKII Facial Treatment Essence - for my mum (approx $300) 

10) Timberland GORETEX Weatherproof boots (approx $250)

Oh.. well.

*grins*

I'll try to update more.

Loves.

Overload.

I'm losing everything else because of a few things.
Sigh.. Priorities, priorities.

Really people, I would like to blog more, but at the moment I'm actually afraid of what to write.

I've been afraid for a long time already.

I've been feeling really emotionally unstable recently.

Feels like I need some time alone, without the mind numbing strain and stress of thinking what is going wrong, or bothering about how people feel.

If I isolate myself, I guess, it wouldn't really matter.

I need some quiet time.

Alone.